


A Maurauder Boy and The Great Seduction

by the_realduck



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_realduck/pseuds/the_realduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is a crowd pleaser. So why doesn’t he please Remus?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Maurauder Boy and The Great Seduction

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of art by Chalada, and can be found here: shaggydog-swap.livejournal.com/13233.html#cutid1
> 
> Huge thank you to my beta, brighty18 :)

**A Marauder Boy and The Great Seduction**

Sirius was a crowd pleaser. Everyone knew that: the thousands of screaming girls knew that, his friends knew that, his producers knew that, his manager knew that, hell, even _James_ knew that. So why didn’t Remus know that?

As cliché as it was, Sirius seemed to want the only person who wasn’t susceptible to his charms, Fellow Marauder Boy, Remus Lupin. Remus was the other guitar player, and in the five years that he and Sirius had been playing together, he had never given Sirius a second look. Sirius really didn’t know what was wrong with Remus or why Remus failed to notice him. His singing could melt a heart of stone! His dancing made Michael Jackson jealous! He was a stunningly attractive lead guitarist! Girls wanted him, and he wasn’t even straight!

This thought alone plagued Sirius as he prepared for the concert that night. He stared at himself in the mirror, wondering if fate had just created these circumstances so people could have a laugh. Two months earlier, he had told James about his crush. Sirius sighed as he remembered the conversation:

 _“Jamie?”_  
“What, Sirius.”  
“How do you know if you really like someone?”  
“You think that they’re beautiful, and you want to snog them. Oh, and feel their boobs.”  
“And you wonder why nobody wants to date you.”  
“Shut up! Girls love me as much as they love you, git.”  
“Right. What if they don’t have boobs?”  
“What?”  
“What if it’s a guy?”  
“Well…then…you want to feel his arse?”  
“Right then. I want to feel Remus’ arse.”  
“REMUS?”  
“Erm…yes?”  
“HAHAHAHA! Good luck with that, mate.”

Sirius hadn’t been very encouraged by that conversation. Although, he had been rather surprised by how easily James accepted his orientation, but James had explained it more thoroughly later.

_“More girls for me, Sirius! I don’t care who you shag…as long as it’s not me…or my girl…when I get one.”_

Thus had started the series of Brilliant Ideas, which had taken Sirius a month and a half to execute. Sirius had devised a Very Brilliant plan to lure Remus and possibly feel his arse. Unfortunately, the Very Brilliant plan didn’t work.

**_Flashback_ **

_**Brilliant Idea #1:**_  
“Hey, Remus!”  
“What, Sirius.”  
“How come everyone always answers me like that? I don’t talk that much.”  
“Right. Was there something that you wanted?”  
At this Sirius looked deeply within his eyes.  
“Remus Lupin. Is there something deep within your soul that you wished to tell me?”  
Remus blinked.  
“Like the fact that you’re beginning to creep me out?”  
That was it for that idea then.

 ** _Brilliant Idea #2:_**  
After an afternoon thinking quite hard about how to capture dear Remus’ heart, Sirius came up with another Brilliant Plan. This one had required slightly more work, however. Before the concert that night, he had gone straight to his stylist and had made a request. After a few eye rolls and a lot of wiggling on Sirius’ part (and some muffled curses from his stylist), Sirius had finally completed his task and went to meet up with his comrades in music.  
“Can you even feel your balls in those pants, Sirius?” asked Peter.  
Sirius had given their drummer a choice glare. What the hell did he know anyway? The girls only liked him because he had that stupid boy-next-door look about him.  
“Of course I can feel them, Peter, they aren’t _that_ tight.”  
James snickered. Peter grinned. Remus had simply blinked again, which Sirius had been greatly upset by. Those pants were far too uncomfortable to garner a simple blink. He had been hoping for a swoon, or a flush, or an arse-grope. _Certainly_ not a blink. With a frown on his face, he had swaggered after James, Peter and Remus to go get their headsets. Tried to swagger actually. The pants were really abysmally tight.

Instead of some nice, juicy remusandsirius time, Sirius had gotten his lower half splashed across the front page of every teen magazine in the country, and had gotten at least thirty percent more fan mail than usual.

Well, at least he had a nice arse.

**_ Brilliant Idea #3: _ **

Once more Sirius was stuck in the depths of despair, wallowing in misery, trying to find a way to make Remus his own. So, he did what any self-respecting person would do: he smuggled in a Cosmo magazine, and read a seduction article.

He’d already tried the first two-dress to impress, and make eye contact-and Sirius felt it sufficient to say that both had failed spectacularly. The next suggestion was Expensive Dining. Well, mused Sirius, he couldn’t very well take Remus on a date. James would never let him hear the end of it, let alone what the vultures called the press would do. Sirius wasn’t even sure he could survive asking Remus on a date without melting in a pitiful puddle of un-manliness on the floor. Then, another Brilliant Plan had formed in Sirius’ mind. After several hours, he was sitting on Remus’ bunk in the tour bus, waiting for Remus to arrive, wiggling in anticipation. He wasn’t disappointed.

“SIRIUS!”

“Hi!”

“What the hell is all this!”

In replacement of a fabulous date, Sirius had gone out to numerous different stores, and rounded up one of every single chocolate bar flavour. He was quite proud of the outcome, but clearly Remus had needed some convincing.

“Well, obviously it’s chocolate. Idiot.”

Remus stood in front of him, mouth opening and closing at random. Sirius mentally noted that Remus looked like a dying fish when he was surprised, and then the sadness hit. His eyes widened to puppyish proportions.

“Don’t you like it?”

Remus abruptly shut his mouth and swallowed.

“Of course I do, Padfoot; but this must have cost an awful lot of money...”

Sirius grinned.

“Yes it definitely did! That’s alright though Moony, because it’s you.”

Remus looked at the chocolate and back at him. Twice.

“Oh”, he replied, smiling faintly. He stepped forward, brushing some chocolate bars out of his way, and sat down beside Sirius.

“Yes”, Remus said softly, “I like it.”

**_ Brilliant Idea #4 _ **

With the last plan having gone fairly successfully, but still without the desired outcome, Sirius decided to use the article for advice once again. With the first three already used, Sirius read the fourth tip, which was to Co-react:

_To capture your quarry's heart, you need to share his or her convictions and show that you feel them deeply. Watch his or her reactions to outside stimuli, and then show the same emotions - shock, disgust, humour, compassion, etc. This is particularly important for men, who are more inclined to misjudge situations._

Logical, thought Sirius. Although he was pretty sure he did this in normal conversation, obviously he had to make a larger effort to get Remus to notice him. The next morning he and James sat eating breakfast on the couches at the front of their bus. Remus shuffled into the room in his pajama’s, with his hair sticking up at odd angles.

“You look tired”, James mumbled around a mouthful of cereal. His bass was propped up beside him, ready to be played whenever the urge struck.

Remus sighed.

“I couldn’t sleep. I had a dream that I was being chased by a giant crab.”

“OH NO!”

Two pairs of heads swivelled to look at Sirius.

“What on earth is wrong, Padfoot?”

Sirius cleared his throat, and looked back at James.

“Remus had a bad dream! A _nightmare_ James! It’s _terrible_!”

Remus looked completely befuddled and James was trying valiantly to hold back hysterical laughter.

“Well…thanks Sirius.”

\- Remus still was looking at him like he had four heads.

“Not a problem at all, Remus! I care about your dreams. You know that right?”

James was shaking now.

“Um…yeah…okay…I’m just going to go get changed...and stuff…”

Remus retreated to the sleeping area, and James finally gave in to his laughter. Sirius sat, gazing mournfully after Remus, as he  
listened to James laugh out his spleen. Sirius gave a sorrowful sigh, and threw a pillow at James’ head.

“Not funny James.”

James looked up through tears of mirth.

“Can’t breathe…ahAHAHAHA!”

Wonderful.

**_ Brilliant Idea #5 _ **

So far the article had provided Sirius with one winner and one loser. So, he decided to give the whole seduction plan one last shot. The last and final tip was to ask the seducee how they feel. Sirius nodded slowly and his face brightened. That he was sure he could do.

The Final Idea commenced that night while Remus and Sirius were hanging out on the couch together while James and Peter made a fast food run. Remus was staring out the window, and Sirius, after having practiced his thoughtful face for a considerable amount of time, cleared his throat.

“What’s bothering you Rem?”

Remus had looked back at him and smiled grimly.

“I don’t think that it’s anything you can help with Sirius.”

“Try me.”

Remus took a deep breath.

“I’m…I’m just having some problems with…things.”

Sirius smiled slightly.

“That’s really not very specific you know.”

“I know. I just can’t talk about this with you. At least not right now.” Remus stood up to go, and Sirius stood with him. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

“Look…I really do want to know how you feel and stuff. If you need me…” Sirius shrugged and looked up. Remus gazed at him with  
a blank expression for a minute and then gave a chuckle.

“Thanks, Pads, but you really don’t want to know this.”

He left, leaving Sirius standing alone, depressed and utterly confused.

That was that then.

**_ The Present _ **

Now Sirius had given up. He had tried everything he could think of, and still Remus wasn’t drawn to him in the least. He was obviously destined to be alone forever and watch James and Peter pull girls who were dazzled by the spotlight. Sirius didn’t even want to think about Remus pulling anyone, or he just might be sick. That would simply not do, especially before a show. With a great amount of effort, he put the dismal thoughts out of his mind, and focused on the concert.

*  
The last of Sirius’ adrenaline was wearing off, and as he sat behind the stage atop a giant speaker, thoughts of Remus came flooding back. Why was he such a failure at seduction? He had followed all of the instructions! Remus should be snogging him by now.

Footsteps. Sirius looked up. Low and behold! The elusive Remus Lupin was walking his way now! Stupid seduction-proof bastard.

“’Lo Sirius”

“Hey”

“So, I had an epiphany.” Remus grinned wolfishly at him, and Sirius felt his stomach drop.

“What…what are you talking about, Remus?”

Remus leaned forward and rested his weight on his arm, which was suddenly _on the speaker_. _Right next_ to Sirius’ thigh. Sirius  
gulped. This right here, this was not part of the new, improved plan. Sirius was supposed to be sexually alone. Technically he still was. It was just Remus’ hand was _right there_.

“Yes, I’ve been doing some thinking. The thing is, I think that I’ve been misreading your behaviour lately.”

Sirius couldn’t feel his fingers, was that normal?

“Misreading?”

“Yes. I’ve just been thinking that you’ve lost your head a bit, maybe drank some bad Dr. Pepper, but that’s not it is it?”

“Um…”

“You want to know what I think.”

No.

“Sure.”

Remus smirked. He bloody smirked! Since when do Remuses smirk?, thought Sirius dazedly.

“I think you’ve been trying to seduce me, Mr. Black.”

Well that was just dandy. Sirius thought of several good replies, but when he went to speak, he realized that talking was impossible with a throat as dry as his. When did that happen? It took a few moments for Sirius to swallow and clear his throat, and by then, he couldn’t remember what all of his good replies were. Remus _knew_!

“Come up with that all on your own, did you?”

Another smirk. That was entirely too distracting for Sirius’ thought process.

“Nope. James told me.”

How was Sirius even supposed to _breathe_ when Remus was…wait. What?

“James told you?”

“Yup.”

“Right. Excuse me while I go perform a homicide.” Sirius made to jump off the speaker, but Remus grabbed his arms.

“Oh come, leave Jamie alone. A little redhead plastered herself to his side, and now he’s in seventh heaven.”

Remus had a twinkle in his eye, and a small smile graced his lips. Sirius was completely humiliated, and was about to tell him to  
bugger off, when a hand came up and cupped his cheek. All capacity to think was rather lost at that point because, _oh my god he’s touching me…_

Soft lips brushed his own, and Sirius slid his eyes shut, basking in the slightly surreal feeling. It only lasted for a few moments, but  
when Remus pulled back, a grin that he couldn’t hold back spread across his face.

“So no homicide then?’, murmured Remus.

Sirius laughed, the sound free and happy.

“And miss this? Oh I don’t think so. Nothing can stop me now Remus Lupin.”

Sirius pulled Remus closer, and they were both smiling when their lips met again. This kiss lasted much longer, and when Remus  
took initiative and slid his tongue into Sirius’ mouth, they both lost all track of time. Sirius vowed that nothing would interrupt him, not volcano’s or angry parents, or shiny objects, or—

“Bloody hell!!”

Nothing except Peter.


End file.
